Parody of A Certain Breed of Teacher

Before PDS, I had only seen teachers in the act of teaching, fully robed in the persona they had stitched for themselves. I had only briefly encountered teachers outside of the structured school setting, and never interacted with them on any level beyond that of teacher to student. This semester, I've been granted access to the formerly forbidden faculty lounge, along with other rooms (copy, storage, etc.) in which teachers shed these burdensome personas for five minutes here and there throughout the day. It is in these private dens that I have, for the first time, observed the the hideous faces of the people who wear teacher masks. Segregated from the impressionable eyes of the students they teach, these creatures are free to flail their slimy tendrils of immorality, appendages which I previously assumed had been amputated, or completely absent, from all teachers. I have heard deplorable slurs spill from their slit mouths. Like crudely sharpened spears, their disfigured words target students and faculty alike. They find particular pleasure in divulging their perverse reproductive habits and openly exchange their designs on attractive younger teachers who have yet to undergo the transformation. Several of these creatures are in open confederacy with each other and pridefully oppose and criticize rival groups. I emerge from the faculty lounge in a terrified stupor and watch as they, with their personas zipped and fastened, reenter their classrooms and feign interest in their students and content.